Wonky things along the way

Uh…it’s so hard, this writing thing.  Yet I know the best things in life are hard.  Especially while on a roller coaster. Not only do you have to slow down and make time, you have to be present with your feelings in order to share them.  It is hard work! How often does one “put it on the back burner,” or “deal with it later,” or “put it away on a shelf”?  Or even exercise or drink away feelings?  The liquid consumption option is mine on occasion.  What can I say, it smooths out the ride.  God knew what He was doing by giving me stomach troubles, cuz I easily would have only looked for solace in martinis made with Ciroc.  Have you had a pomegranate martini? Oh my…  ; )

While I am keenly aware of my core adoption issues, I’m saving all my words and efforts to discuss adoption for next month.  Did you know November is National Adoption Awareness Month?

During my time today, I’m pondering choices and how decisions are made to go faster, slower, work harder, enjoy a friend, and sometimes even let go of one.  The great amusement park called, “Life” is filled with choices where we utilize free will and often times we find ourselves at the other end of someone elses free will.

Okay, so I must allow my cart to jump the track and take a quick spin back to 1993.  I may be enjoying a little ADD right now.  Hang on… see if these quotes mean anything?

Rae: You like whales?
Jesse: I like him.
Rae: Well he doesn’t like anybody so stay away from him. You see Willy’s a case. A very special case.
Jesse: So? Who isn’t?

And, how about~

Randolph: You must have something special, that’s why Willy didn’t eat you up. Maybe high blood, medicine roots…
Jesse: No way.
Randolph: Then you’re just one lucky little white boy, you like the sound of that better?

I seriously loved the movie, Free Willy.  I know, it wasn’t that great… nor was #2 or #3, but I loved ‘em all.  The scenery, the characters, the whale-of-a-character, and even Michael Jackson’s song.  I’ve seen it many times and, wow that whale jumping the retaining wall – makes me want to watch it now!   Hmmm… there’s a thought.

http://www.imdb.com/rg/VIDEO_PLAY/LINK//video/screenplay/vi65601817/

(Paste into your browser, it’s just a very short preview – memory jogger.)

Now, I’m not going to discuss the obvious issue in this movie – it’s all being saved for November.

Uhhh umph… back on track.

Some time ago when my brother and I received the great monetary gift that was my mother’s estate, I said, “Oh man… I totally wish I had a certain business I wanted to start, or in today’s market – buy a business.  That’s what I’d like to do with the money Mom left me, something special… ya know, great.”

Not so simple, I’m a practical person and would never do something (especially with a large amount of money) unless I was passionate about it.  So there was no business to be bought.  No secret passion of a corner store or trendy market.  But, I thought about it a lot and felt bad that I didn’t have a dream.  You know what Eleanor Roosevelt says?

Time went on, my roller coaster ride dumped me over a few times and I let it go.  There was nothing great to do with the money.  I was resigned to that conclusion.

I spent some money in ways that were easy for me.   My kids got a good amount that was really theirs all along.  You see, Mom didn’t want to loan us money when we were buying a home a long long time ago, so she decided the best thing to do was to give all of her grand children (mind you she had four, two of which were mine) $5,000.  We’d basically use the kid’s ten grand for the house, with the plan being we would owe them the money.   It didn’t start out this way, it is how it ended.  So, while my nephews got their five thou each, my kids got to help us buy a house.  I thought it was horrible and felt a bit tricked by how it went down, but they were so excited and at six and eight years old they wanted a pool.   All was good, and we were grateful.

As were the kids the day we paid them back.  Ashleigh & Hayden were presented with $5,000 each plus interest from when they were little.  : O  Whoa… you know that was fun!

There were little things here and there that I spent some money on,  had fun at a few charity events, but no special big purchase.  I banked it, invested, and life went “thankfully” on.  I was very fortunate to share in this inheritance.

While settling into writing, I felt old and forgetful.   I’ve strictly been a write like I talk sorta gal, even when I wrote for AASK it was very casual.  Before I knew it, writing my mom’s story turned into so much more.  I decided to take a refresher course (for punctuation and grammar) and take things a bit more seriously.  Thank you Mesa Community College!

I bought books, lots of books.  You have to read books in the same genre so you can get a feel for your own story and its direction.  It helps you to recognize what you like and what you cannot stand; such as artsy fartsy writing everything in reverse.   I took online classes, which turned out to be more fun over content.  Things like, How To Write a Memoir.  The combination of it all gave me courage and confidence to keep writing.

Most of all though, it was Mike who saw a different person and it was his observations that helped me to see myself through his eyes.  He encouraged me and provided positive feed back.   He really saw me, all of me.  Not just the secretary spread that was beginning, YIKES – but the love and thrill of creating a story and sharing the details of an event.  He gave me what I needed to hang in there.  I don’t think I’ve ever had that before, not as a child or an adult.

How could I have ever walked away from writing? I did, many times, and I allowed myself to own projections  from my mother that I am an office gal. (Just as she was.)  Yet every job never lasted more than a couple of years, I did not like it and it did not fit.  I loved to write, always have – always will.

I have notebooks filled with stories, recollections, thoughts, fears, and dreams.  Filled journals live in my sock drawer. I have folders on my desk top labeled; Magazines, Blogs, Letters, Family Stories, FOLAB blog, and Research.  (Just to name the first row.)

Anyone who has known me for anytime will tell you that I have driven them crazy with the sheer volume of writing, even in a Christmas card.  Oh and if there is a problem, WHOA… BACK UP THE BUS!! I’ll just about explain things to death and drive you to drink.  It’s how I work through things, express myself, and get all the emotions out of my body, heart, and head. (Sorry if I’ve created any email reading drinkers!)

Yes, it’s my thing, it’s easy for me, I love it, and damn… it came in handy when I decided to write a book! ; )

Low and behold, I realized what a gift I had from my mother which allowed me to write my book and spend so much of my time this way.  No, it’s not a bakery or Sue’s Bar & Grill – it’s actually more important because it’s authentically me.  Not only was I given her story, her fumbled facts (which led to my story,) but also the funds to follow my heart.  Three cheers for fumbled facts and funds!!!

I’ve learned there is so much I can’t control – plain and simple.  Therefore, I choose to enjoy what I have; the big things, like the family I have created and so SO many small things, like the beauty and grace of a beloved friend over a delicious lunch.  Or the odd joy I feel when I hear the donkey that lives behind us, “Yehaww yehaww awwww awww awwwhhhH.”  It cracks me up!

I believe life is all about the small things, to breathe in and enjoy.  Like yesterdays’ wonky strawberries, purposefully left out on the counter today to create a strawberry-dream filled kitchen.   It is clearly making me hungry since all I can think about is Cool Whip, okay and a lil’ angel food cake too.  Thankfully I have neither as I’m sure they are way to many points for today!

There’s enough difficulty that finds us all – so here’s to finding joy in the little wonky things.  Whether it’s Halloween candy, the love of a pet, or your favorite TV show.   Shhhh… I really like Sons of Anarchy! (And so far, no one is adopted! Sure, it’s rated M, L, S, V – but what can I say?)

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