Yes, even my cart takes me around the monotony-bend to choreville. And, it’s my least favorite section where it’s too hot and smelly – it’s the garage.
My husband and I sorted, cleaned, agonized over “tossing” this and that. I have so much of my mothers things, spread throughout my house and the garage.
We condensed our kids’ old boxes and decided to toss old shoes and clothes. While looking through a box marked “Sue/Ash – purses & hats,” I found an envelope sticking out of an old purse. It was from a visit with an astrologer over ten years earlier, and inside I found all my notes and my astrological chart. Honestly, at that moment the idea of a fun mental break was appealing, so I pulled up a chair and started reading.
*The heading at the top of the first page read:
Genesis, Chapter 1 – line 14, And God said let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and for years.
At the bottom was information about understanding astrology along with the astrologer’s name, Erica, and her phone number.
I’d taken notes based on Erica’s reading of my chart, and listed details that she provided to me.
Reading over my headings and notes, I became intrigued by her thoughts, questions and predictions. I remembered my visit and the hour-long discussion with her instantly. This was over a decade ago, but it felt like I was just there. I sat in the moment, reading and remembering.
Erica, the astrologer, did business out of her home. She was the weekly guest on a popular morning radio show, which is how I found her. However, I remember being a little apprehensive about my reading. Several co-workers and I thought it would be fun to see what she had to say, but I didn’t take it too seriously.
Erica’s home was beautiful, in a very upscale area with a magnificent entryway. Well, at least she’s successful I thought, as I rang the doorbell.
The door opened. “Hi, I’m Erica, and you must be Susan,” she said while extending her hand.
We shook hands. “It’s great to meet you, Erica. I’ve been looking forward to this afternoon – I waited three weeks for an appointment.”
“Great, me too. Come on in and let’s get started.” Erica had long blonde hair and a warm smile. She guided me to her home office and we sat down at a beautiful oak desk.
As she looked over her prepared information, she confirmed my date and time of birth. “Okay, you were born at 2:11 in the afternoon on December 18th, a week before Christmas. Wow, what a present you were, right?”
“Yes, my mother always tried to keep my birthday and Christmas separate. The day after my birthday, we’d put up the Christmas tree and decorate. It worked well – a shorter season with the house in disarray.”
Erica let me know that we would go over some things and that if I had specific questions, I could ask them towards the end. I thought that was perfect because I didn’t have any questions.
“First thing,” she said, looking at me with surprise. “Something big happened when you were born.”
“Hmm… no, not that I know of. I was small, weighed six pounds eleven ounces, I think. But I’ve never heard that there was any problem. But, I’m not really sure.”
“Maybe around your birth, say within the first three months, something life changing, altering, happened to you. Does that sound like anything you would have heard about from your mom or dad?”
“Wow, not at all, but I’ll ask and see what I can come up with.”
I wrote on my pad of paper: Something happened TO me when I was born – within the first three months!
“Let’s talk about more recent events. You married when you were young, right? You have kids and you take care of kids?”
“I did, I got married at 18 and we have two kids.”
“And there are other children in your life, or you take care of them?”
“We did foster care for a few years, but it was hard on my kids so we stopped,” I explained. “My kids were just four and six years old at the time and they were learning some things that were not appropriate. We fostered a sibling group of three, between the ages of two and 5 years old, for about a year. As soon as they were placed with a family we didn’t take any more foster children.”
“Which explains to me what I’m seeing for you down the road, you will have more kids in your life.” She nodded to herself as she studied my chart.
I fidgeted in my chair and told her, “Oh, no way, my husband didn’t really enjoy the experience. I don’t think we’ll be doing it again. It was something I really wanted to do, but foster care involves the entire family, a 24/7 way of life. And, he had a vasectomy which takes care of any more natural born children.”
“Well, you’ll have to let me know… say, within the next five years how things work out.” Erica leans forward and looks at me intently. “Now let’s talk about your kids. I see a monumental change in your life and it’s coming from your daughter when she’s around 18. Your kids, they’re your life and you love them very much, but you have to remember that a parent’s job is to raise their children to be the best adults they can be. Then you have to let them go and spread their wings and be independent. With independence comes mistakes, and that’s how we all learn. Yes, she’ll cause you great trouble and there will be challenges.”
“Erica, my daughter Ashleigh is amazing – and right now she’s ten. I cannot imagine that she’d cause any real trouble; it’s not her nature. She is the kindest, most helpful and caring young lady. Seriously, everyone loves her and I mean that, even her brother who’s eight years old adores her, and they’re best friends.”
I’m starting to wonder about this astrologer as I write down: Our family will have more kids, or watch more kids?
Ashleigh will cause us great trouble when she’s 18.
Erica continued, “Your son, he’s basically steady and he’ll do very well, be well known, somewhat famous as an adult.”
“That does not surprise me – Hayden is very different. Even at 8 he has a unique personality and sense of humor. I can totally see him as an actor or maybe even in politics, but Ashleigh and trouble, I cannot see that.”
“Let’s talk about death, if that’s alright?” Erica asked.
I nodded. “I’m a Christian, and death doesn’t really freak me out, so that’s fine.”
“Well, good then.” She laughs. “You know that when a body dies it’s just a shell, the body we were given for our time here. I don’t have information that someone in particular is going to die, and if I did I wouldn’t share that. But everyone has death in their family and I wanted to touch on the subject. You’ve had people in your family die before, and although it can feel like you can’t continue on, you do. We all do, we all feel the devastation and loss, but we have the strength inside to move forward.”
I write down: Someone close to me is going to die, I think??
“Erica, I know you can’t tell me who, but my husband’s grandmother, GG is older and has cancer. My mother is pretty healthy, but older. We’re close to both of them. GG lives in Iowa, so we don’t see her very often. The rest of the family really isn’t old, but my niece Lexi has cancer. She’s young and going through treatment, we’re all really hopeful, but she’s only six. Is there anything else you can tell me?”
Erica smiled and said, “Just know that when you lose someone close to you, you carry that person with you. You have to be thankful for the time you had together. Try and find happiness in the moment, and should they pass on in the next two or three years, you’ll have peace when it’s their time to go.”
I printed in all capital letters:
I THINK MY MOM IS GOING TO DIE IN THE NEXT FEW YRS!
We continued on talking about many things. The personal struggles in my marriage, jobs I’d had, and general philosophies on finding your life’s work. At times, it felt like Erica was dead on and other times, it was like she was hinting at something but it didn’t pertain to me. It was uncanny how she knew things about my life that had already happened. Historically, I was hard pressed to find one thing wrong in her reading.
All in all, I remembered the session as being intriguing as I looked at the notes from that day. I sat straight up with a jolt – all those years ago, Erica knew I was adopted! That had to be what she saw. My birth mother put me up for adoption after I was born. My skin was tingling, my heart racing, and this electric chill ran right through me.
So, that was the life changing event! “Holy crap, she was trying to tell me that within three months of my birth, I was put up for adoption,” I said out loud. My voice echoed in the quiet garage. Mike had long since gone inside.
And the other notes? Once I thought about them, they were just as accurate. Well, except for the one about my mother dying in the next two to three years. It was more like ten years.
I wondered, maybe someone else, maybe my birth mom had passed away in that time frame.
However, back then Lexi did pass away when she was seven and then the next year GG died. And Erica was right about foster care, we got our license again and had ten wonderful children impact our lives. Ashleigh causing trouble at age 18 was an understatement, and I can see Hayden being famous as he’s in his third year of film school.
But most important to me, as I sat holding the notes from ten years ago, was the fact that I had indeed been adopted. It was part of me and even though my beginning was kept a secret, it didn’t change the truth. When I came into this world, my birth mother gave me away. It was as if God had stuck me with this invisible cosmic label: ADOPTED. I was born to a woman and man who didn’t want me, and I was given to these parents who wanted a baby. Erica could see the label since the universe didn’t care that my adoptive parents wanted it to be kept secret.
It made me wonder – how did she know? I wish I would have known. And why couldn’t my mother tell me, after all the years we had together? After all the things we’ve done alone together… why not tell me?
There I was, at a crossroads. One path led to my mother, my loss, my grief and feelings of betrayal; but also our book. The other path led to a bright white, empty space with a door at the center. It was nothing but the unknown. And with so much sadness surrounding my mother’s death and knowing that she kept this huge secret from me, it was easy to choose the path to the door, to see what and who I might find.
*Excerpts from “Crossroads” Chapter 6, Late Discoveries.
“Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing
we see too late the one that is open.”
~Alexander Graham Bell
I open my eyes to the brightness, looking forward and hopeful.
As I slip on my rose-colored glasses for the rest of the journey, I am set.
→If you’re in Arizona, you may also enjoy an interesting hour with Erica Phillips.