Woo hoo!

As I am swung around like the end person in crack-the-whip,  I see another cart pass me going the opposite direction.  It’s bright cheery-cherry red and I know the woman inside the cart.  She has a wide smile and waves at me in my sapphire-blue cart.  We zip past one another.

Wow, I think – she looks really happy; but how can she be so happy? She is a birth mom, and her reunion is – well… not going so great.  She has been reunited with her daughter for a while now, years in fact.  But her daughter seems to be manipulative, and even mean at times.  Oh she’s been nice enough too, but then it’s as if she punishes her mother by ignoring her.  She’s on again and then off again, on – off, like the flick of a light switch.

I turn and see her cart tip back.  Click clack – click clackclick clack… it’s beginning to climb.

“Woo hoo!” I hear her yell.

As heartbroken as she has been; first when losing her daughter to adoption and then to find an often uncaring daughter, how can she possibly Woo hoo?

She’s anxiously awaiting the end of the climb, excited for what comes next.  But I know from talking with her that rarely does anything great come next.  What gives?

Then I remember, this woman is love.  She gives her love to those who need it and helps other adoptees in their own personal struggles.   She helped me, in fact.  Oh she still loves her daughter and grand kids – to the moon and back!  But while they are sorting out their feelings for her, she loves other daughters.   She has faith that one day they will truly see her and understand her.  So, until then, why not woo hoo?  Maybe some day very soon her “one day” will come.

She (like many of us on this ride) finds deep heart-break every time the cart goes around that one scary dark corner with the 60 ft.  zigzag curve.  The G-forces send you flying to the side, and your head hangs over the edge.  You have no control while your eyeballs sink inside, getting pressed to the back of your skull.  It’s the day-a-baby-was-lost memory-curve.  Or, as I call it in my cart – the M curve.

Oh how I hate that section! Whether M simply stands for memory or mother, or possibly maiming or mass-destruction… they all fit like a glove.  It’s adoption’s biggest secret.  Devastation and a certain kind of death happens when a baby is taken away from his/her mother.  It is more like a pit, rather than a curve.  Or similar to controlled-falling, down a well.

But, today is not that curve.  Today is Woo hoo!

And I say it with her… with love, to MamaLin – “Woo hoo!”


Who is Folab? Where’s Folab?

I am Folab!  Well, I’m one of many Folabs actually.  We are growing in number, we are – found out late adoptee buddies.  A playful term I came up with over a year ago, after I found out I was adopted.  In the adoption world, it’s simply LDA (late discovery adoptee.)  Possibly, does either acronym mask pain and frustration? If you throw a cat out your car window, does it become kitty litter? Uhm… does a bear poop in the woods?  You see where I am going with this?  The answer is yes.

When you are plucked from your life as you know it, and then placed on a different path you must ponder, where am I, and where am I going now?

I’ll tell you where I am. I am sitting calmly, most of the time, holding on with a tight grip to a sapphire bar resting across my legs.  However, my fingernails and occasional sweaty palms have worn away most of the color in two places.  The matching sapphire cart around me shines bright inside and out.  I’m seated comfortably on a black padded bench with my two feet flat on an aluminum diamond-plate floor.  Perfect for impatient toes, or tip-tapping to a beat.

I live and breathe and blog from this cart.  I’ve written a book from this cart.  I volunteer and I’ve welcomed a birthday from this cart.

I can finally say, I am one with my cart and happy to be here on this journey.

Oh, I do understand perfectly well that the nature of this cart brings screams and steep climbs.  But, I’ve come to learn one very important thing; this too shall pass.

With that comfort, ONWARD!  BRING IT!  JUST DO IT!  And, as Aerosmith says, “Dream On.”  (Oh how I love this song!)

Yes, I live to dream on.  That is where I am going.  You?